Time is passing fast, but I am still in pain. The depression is coming down, what remains is pure sadness. Each week I am looking at photos of my once happy family and what nice moments we had. Tears are still showing up. It is hard to believe how someone can give up all this for the so-called eternity. Can someone really go up the bridge with such cold heart? Or is it that you can only go up the bridge when you are cold-hearted?
I gave my children a selection of these pictures – a 45 minute slide show. They were censored by their mum, then they were allowed to see them. I thought it would cause some feelings inside my ex-wife. But there was nothing – no regret. So we cannot even be friends. The disconnection policy of the cult is in force. She has become a very aggressive person constantly yelling at my children. She cannot even perceive that.
In the meantime I studied the nature some cults and they are quite similar. The basic key to brainwash people is – and this makes a very good definition for brainwashing – to control willing members, whereas control is based on agreement. Lies are part and parcel of control.
Hubbard mentioned it, but nobody really understood him: “The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them.”
So what are cults doing?
They teach the opposite of what they are doing.
They strive for spiritual freedom, but they take it away.
You are told that money is not so important, but the leader is rich like mad.
They don’t teach love or affinity, in fact they teach hate and suppression.
You think you are spiritually growing, but you constantly get worse.
You give up your human rights (eg. communication) based on your own decision – whatever the justification is.
You are told that you are amongst the chosen ones – to do what? Yes, to serve a master. Not a god, a human!
They tell you that you must safe the world and souls.
Your original purpose – the WHY you joined the cult – is perverted. You wanted to solve a small problem, but now you are given a much bigger one. Thus your problems get worse.
But what is the common denominator?
It’s brainwashing, which is:
Bring a person to a point where he denies “HIMSELF” new information unless it is from an authority of the cult.
Self-inflicted agreement is the key, it is Pandora’s box.
The victim can now be reprogrammed in favour of a master.
You must not think for yourself even if slogans and scriptures tell the opposite. You ignore conflicts and blame your low understanding on yourself. Someone else knows and understands more than you do! You begin to trust people, but these people tell you lies. You are naive, you do not expect these people to lie to you. This is your demise. And then you start calling every non-member a liar.
From now on you are in the Truman show. It is real for you, but not for others. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Truman_Show)
How can you keep people in there? You make sure they will always agree to not look for themselves.
Step two can be achieved by fear. Your soul will die if you get excommunicated. You must obey under all circumstances.
If that is not enough then fear of mental pain or physical punishment is introduced.
How to make it even more sustainable?
You have to make a person do something extremely bad. Interesting, how come? The turning point in most cults is when you agreed (under whatever pressure) to do something extremely bad. One lady told that she got obsessed with her cult after she killed a baby even though she was against doing so in the first place. She felt the power of having done such. In fact this is the ultimate bad deed. It bars the way back! You are trapped! You have chosen the side, you have chosen your group. IT ENDS YOUR DOUBT CONDITION. FINITO!
(George Orwell had this solution to break people: Take all you can away, torture and when the person is broken, give back a tiny bit. Then the person will happily accept the bait and serve you.)
In my case, what could I expect from my wife? Assets are gone, the family is destroyed, the children are devastated, the court case was lost, she actively denied to look, she actively denied to gather information herself, she told lies to her family, she told lies to the court, she told lies to the police, she has not done her ethics conditions according to Scientology, happiness is gone – all for her PRO-SURVIVAL 3rd dynamic …
If she now admitted that she was wrong … her only expectation could be to be shot down within minutes. So the subconscious calculation here is to keep on doing wrong and hope that her unexamined source of information (OSA) is the TRUTH, because Scientology is the “study of truth”.
And weirdly enough I would not expect a lot to let her out of the vicious circle. She is still the mum of my children. And for the sake of my children I would only expect a few words of responsibility. Something like “I have done this and that”, but no victim versions like “I was told lies” or “I was manipulated”.
For sure it is irritating that she would never treat me like this. Yes, THAT hurts.
Anyway, we must forgive, we must forget.
It is not necessarily for your karma. It is a necessity to find peace for yourself.