Wins from leaving Scientology

hole

Some of my blog readers know the devastating details of the previous two years. I am very sorry for not revealing all details. Most of them are far more disturbing than what you have read so far. It is not just about telling the full truth, but also about remaining safe in such an insane scenario.
When I google for my real name the word “Scientology” is suggested while I am still typing. ‘Guilt by association’ will most likely haunt me for the rest of my life. Even though it is highly upsetting I do understand why others apply this general rule. Surely I would like to see a clear differentiation between Scientology warriors and Scientology protesters.

Besides my losses I would like to tell you about my wins of leaving the cult. It was by far the better option even though it included losing my job, being harassed and being the subject of colorful litigation.

The most important win has to do with my children. I was fighting for them in court and paid a fortune to the most expensive lawyers. Sometimes you have to lose something or someone to understand the true and full value. In hindsight the cult’s Fair Game tactics have improved my relationship. We are spending time together like never before. All my money that was spent in the cult now flows into their direction. That is an awful lot of money. Music, art, posh holidays, big parties, education and many other things.
I was stingy – I always had the unaffordable OT goal for the entire family in mind. But now I spend money at such a speed that it may look like pure waste. Still, I earn three times more than I can spend for my lavish life.

On top of that I got a big salary rise some weeks ago. This came entirely unexpected. In the end I can call myself a lucky devil for having lost my last job. Who had thought that the Fair Game would end like this? Definitely not me! This period of harassment has been the worst time of my life.

You can see that my blogging activity is not as regular as it should be. The reason is that the targets and demands at work are really high. This makes my job very safe. I do have other blogs as well. They are not anonymous. I realized that success is all about PR. So I keep the blogs running. But how can I solve the time issue? Well, I hired someone else to do it.

I regularly read stories on the internet. Who is not following Tony Ortega’s or Mike Rinder’s page? The downfall of the cult keeps me happy each and every day. It gives me inner satisfaction.

Five years ago I was carrying this strange feeling of injustice inside me. The cult rules were causing me discomfort. I could never be sure if something entirely normal would suddenly become an ‘overt’ (a suppressive act). I knew that reasoning was definitely not the same inside Scientology. Every little thing that would disadvantage the 3rd dynamic would have to be paid with intensives or courses somehow. Let me give the baby a name. It is called “fear”.

I can now think freely and discuss my opinions. Well, there are still some rules, but I don’t mind these. Nobody can get in trouble for my thoughts. Nobody writes any knowledge report. I can trust people around me. They are the most ethical beings of the universe compared to Scientologists.

Since months I do have real friends. I know that these friends will not leave me just because someone else is ordering it. They help me and listen to my problems without writing down an ethics battle plan, knowledge report or repair list. Their help is for free – yes it is!

I got rid of forced communication. I can pick up my phone and talk to lovely people. They don’t call me five times to ask me the same questions over and over again. They do listen to my decisions and they don’t tell me about “secrets”, which I can only hear about on events. In fact there has been no event, no IAS and no regging since I left for good.

Sex has gotten 10x better. My ex was always asking for a touch assist. How sexy! Was this the top of imaginations? Scientology was no fun! Scientology ethics corrects everything. Then you have to feel bad like a pervert. A case supervisor quickly adds some arbitrary intensives. What for? For further revelations to untrustworthy people? The cult is so perverted that you have to pay money to tell them stories they will most likely use against you.

There is only one type of ethics left. And that is my personal ethics. What I consider being correct is correct according to my consideration. I don’t have to justify any purpose, intention or wording.

I can buy newspapers that I want to read. Nobody tells me that this is not ethical. I surf on the internet and I google for David Miscavige’s withholds. This is my right to inform myself honestly. Nobody tries to stop me.

I am a free

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Cult of Scientology: Why I didn’t leave right away

FireExit

 

Even as a child I used to say that the likelihood to believe in the right religion – aka the truth – was minuscule and definitely less than one in a thousand. There are simply too many religions and all believe in different gods or objects. Some say that most religions have a common denominator, but to me it always sounds like an excuse to not confront the low probability. Can you imagine that 99% or more of all religious people life a big fat lie? All you do, all you believe in, your so called stable datum … all just a wrong item. Besides proclaimed spirituality, there is not much left to compare. What does a god with an elephant head (Ganesh) and Satan share?

I have always been the scientific guy, who never liked religious leaders. I believe that it takes a lot of scientific people to achieve something, not just one messiah. From the very beginning I was feeling weird when applauding to Hubbard’s picture or bust. I didn’t want to stand out or annoy anyone. But later on I simply stopped doing so. It caused this feeling of discomfort no matter if I did it or not. There was no point in lying and playing the overwhelmed disciple.

When I joined Scientology I knew about its bad reputation. I was one of the rare guys walking into an Org without any body router. I bought the Dianetics book and left right away.

I thought that some courses would be interesting; just to see if there was something to get out of it. Even at school I had voluntarily attended religious education despite not being convinced at all. Yes, as mentioned in one of my first posts, I am open minded. This is called PTS (Potential Trouble Source) in Scientology.  I was always wondering what was so bad about informing yourself honestly and looking from all sides and angles. In the end my openness was what drove me into Scientology. I did one course, another one and then one more – 12 courses in the first year. I thought it would be cool to be an OT and to be able to go exterior at will and with full perceptions. That was my main purpose. But frankly, I was wondering why there were hardly any publics. I mean, if people go exterior, why would they not disseminate like mad? This is the missing piece that would convince everybody, right? My inner explanation was that it had to do with Scientology’s bad reputation.

Within weeks I had paid in my entire academy to Clear. I started on the Purif. The registrar explained they had their own doctor. There was this weird feeling again. Something was wrong. I accepted the doctor, who was a member of that Org and visited his private home on a weekend. He took his stethoscope and performed some basic health tests. He did not write any bill and only accepted cash.

My first real auditing started with a Security Check. In a nutshell – it made me feel really bad. I personally do not appreciate at all when people don’t trust me. Quite to the contrary, I have never disappointed someone who was trusting me. It is a good feeling to be trusted and to not disappoint someone.

In the first weeks I talked to many people. I remember one story with a roughly 45 year old man. I asked him how long he had been in Scientology. He told me that it was about 10 years. And my next question was: “Oh, you must be OT VIII then”. His reply was: “No, I am on Clear”. I was very disappointed. And this was not the only time. One Auditor had a OT V certificate hanging behind him. But at some point he mentioned that it was not his. A world was falling into pieces. 20 years in Scientology, and just on Clear. What was wrong?

Another man was also just on Clear and he was so extremely shy, any tree had a better communication level. He got yelled at in the academy: “You don’t have a case here. Say it.” And when he finally said something and everybody was watching him, the course supervisor mentioned in a condescending voice: “See, it works!”

The ESTO constantly had some kind of eczema in his face. I have no clue what x-itis it was, but it has always been an outpoint for me. All in all these were all people like you and I. Nothing special. As PTS as anyone else.

The registrar used to smoke when I was in her room – another outpoint. And she used to harass me at work calling right in the middle of the day and asking for money. Oh, I was so pissed. Once, I told her that I did not want to play the fu..ing birthday game and that it was no game, because it was forced upon me. Guess what, I got an Ethics chit from her and it was the last time I spoke to her voluntarily.

And let me now come to my biggest wake-up, which was slumbering inside me ever since. I was on the Freewinds and doing the Route To Infinity course. On one of the tapes Ron said that as a child he was able to remotely read books from another room, but somehow lost his abilities during the years. For me it was a lie and I continued comparing this lie with each and every course I did afterwards.

You can easily imagine that open minded people cause a lot of trouble in such environment. It didn’t take a year and I was forced to do the full KSW course. I tell you what. Each time I was forced to do something, it kicked me out a little bit more.

 

But why didn’t I leave?

 I got married and had my first child. My wife started to constantly ask for money. Her first request was birth auditing (I had paid for all courses up to Class V already, co-audit was a no-go). Several Org staff came to our house and harassed me. They told me what a bad and suppressive person I was. I said that there had been a few billion people on this Earth up to this day and that they all did not need birth auditing.

A few incidents were definitely not enough to blame my ex-wife for anything. In the following years she kept on asking for auditing for her and my children. We had many disputes. My main point always was the same: “My children are not insane. They can grow up without all this, like any other child. And if we don’t save any money, we will have to live on the streets someday.”

My ex-wife was the puppet for the Org. She didn’t work at all. Au pairs did the house hold while she was on course. Besides being the mother of my children she became useless for the family. I even had to iron my own shirts. How lovely are chores when you come home after spending 10 hours in the office. And in the evenings she said that she had been soooo busy all day long. I looked at her books with more than 800 pages each and started complaining quite often.

But who would abandon one’s family easily? As far as I know women, they are the first ones to mention the word “divorce” constantly. Men have much more to lose. They keep quiet, even when being degraded to a cash cow. This is my personal life experience backed by many stories. It can obviously be different for others. Most divorces are filed by women in the UK, because the law is strongly biased. I have read that it is as high as 90% in some areas. Men lose the regular contact to their children, the house and have to finance a freeloader life. Who does not get upset by this? I strongly disagree with the British divorce laws.

Divorce has always been a taboo for me. Not just because of the law. I believe that all children have the right to grow up in a family. Parents have to behave in their presence and should only fight when the kids are not nearby.

I would never ever abandon my children, no way! My wife was aware of this and threatened me more and more with divorce should I not pay her expensive courses and auditing. I was such an SP. I had the money, but I was not willing to give it to her. The Org saw it the same way. They didn’t care that she was no real mother. For them she was a source of income and that meant she was upstat – no need for ethics handlings. But guess what! The chaplain was visiting ME quite often to “put ethics in”.

By this time I had given up my personal goals to go exterior. I had paid in my bridge three times and each time it was torn into pieces by arbitraries – red tags, PTS and rudiments. These days I understand that it is hardly possible to pass rudiments. I think 80% of my folder was about rudiments by that time. Nobody can have Miscavige’s three swing F/N. And when you bypass F/Ns often enough, then you get scared to not F/N, which is making you non-F/N at all. This is such a vicious circle.

Just adding up my intensives at Flag, I should have been Clear twice. And my wife probably 4 to 5 times.

So, I was disillusioned and unsatisfied. Still, I did not leave. The costs were bearable, even when I included the IAS. My income was far above average, I could afford it.

I managed to make my wife pay for the child auditing. I was constantly invited by that child Auditior … as a suppressive being. Who did not want his children to be audited for huge sums – only SPs!

I was quietly leaving the cult and let my wife do all the stuff.

A big bonus at work then changed my point of view again (see, I am not using “viewpoint” anymore). There was plenty of money. I thought I could give it a last try. My so called hidden standard was “exterior”. That is a nice trap. You are not allowed to express any wish. This means, whatever you expect from Scientology is wrong. You only get what you do not wish secretly, otherwise it was a hidden standard and the “real why”, why you don’t get anything.

Scientology is built to blame you!
Their tech ALWAYS works!
So, you will never find out that it actually is them doing something wrong.

On one side I hoped that there was some truth in all the insanity. I had spoken to so many people who claimed to have been exterior with visio (being able to see something when leaving the body). I did not believe that all of them were lying to be “something special”. This is, how the cult works. People invent stories, because nobody wants to admit that he doesn’t get what others do get. But in fact nobody gets anything.
(There are many definitions for “exterior” in Scientology to confuse people – sometimes it means to be in a STATIC, sometimes it means to be in a kind of astral body, sometimes it simply means to not be effected by a problem.)

That the tech does not work and is just a subjective perception came clear to me the more I looked at false wins. You have to watch some “wins” from other cults and you will realise that this is the usual human behaviour. “I felt Jesus!”, “An angel showed up.”, “I was dead.”, “This was no coincidence, this was god.”, “I had an orgasm while listening to the Reverend.”

 

Hope was one factor for staying. The other factor was my family. And all the time I did have this cognitive dissonance. I did not disregard it. I did hide it. I never told these thoughts to any Auditor. This type of wins are forbidden. You are in trouble when having the cognition: “I just found out that Scientology is a scam in some areas”.

I hope you understand my reasons, why I did not leave earlier. My advice to you is:

Don’t wait that long! It is just a matter of time.

LEAVE NOW!
RUN AS FAST AS POSSIBLE!
THERE IS TIME AND MONEY TO LOSE.

The right arguments in front of any lawyer and you always win.
The fair game doctrine and KSW1 are in your favour.

Yes, you will get attacked heavily. But you will save your children’s lifes in return.

Scientology Leader’s 8+2 dynamics … survive !

DmDynamics

 

Ok, this is not a spider web even though it would be a good metaphor. What you see are David Miscavige’s 10 dynamics. I originally planned the picture as a planetary system where everything revolves around our dear leader.

Whatever approach would have been the best, all have one point in common. In the centre of the universe we have DM himself. His life consist of 8+2 dynamics.

 

First dynamic

This can only be the sun, nothing else would fulfill our expectations of greatness. And no, this is not DM’s halo. There is no halo that could shine bright enough.

 

Second dynamic

His family? No way! They have all abandoned DM. The only 2D cool aid drinker, in case she is not in “the hole” yet, is DM’s Communicator Laurisse Henley-Smith (formerly Stuckenbrock). She is his second dynamic, replacing Shelly, who somehow locked herself up very well.

This is not a sex dynamic. It is creativity to get along with life, which is surrounded by SPs.

Come on, from what I know about DM, I guess he is impotent. Even according to Hubbard’s standards he must be impotent. Sex is disgusting. And I tell you what: IT IS GOOD AS IT IS. Imagine there would be a kind of second Mini-Me following his footsteps. We have seen really bad constellations in North Korea. Thank God!

 

Third dynamic

This should be the entirety of Scientologists, which is not the case. DM’s third dynamic is a kind of cash dynamic. The IAS cannot be very far.

Oh, and we can also find the Sea Org Members here. The penguins are very crowded. There is plenty of space in each Ideal Org. Nevertheless, they have to share beds. Food is also an issue. Sea Org members are cheaper than slaves. They work harder than slaves. They are the most frugal slaves of the entire universe. This ‘unprecedented’ value makes them perfect beings. Did you know the IAS slogan: “We are the IAS”

Someone has to be it. According to LRH, the word “we” is suppressive anyway. It is a terrible generalisation, because the truth is that “we” only stands for one person and that is David Miscavige.

 

Fourth dynamic

Mankind, although there is nothing “kind” here. These are all important people on earth that are not aberrated (=insane) and have good statistics. They are the homo novis. A world without insanity actually means to be like Scientology’s celebrities. Someone, who can lie like Kirstie Alley or jump like Tom Cruise.

Imagine, we would all be like these celebrities. I am wondering, who would produce telephones, cars, software, newspapers, trains and all the other things in this perfect world? If we were all actors or musicians then there wouldn’t even be a camera man.

 

Fifth dynamic

This is the animal dynamic. We find some really dedicated sheeple here. How many? Dunno, not many are left. They were cuddled too much and died during the harsh winters, because they had no fur.

These sheeple are very special. They are not only providing exceptionally amounts of wool, they also provide milk, and some of them can be used as ‘raw meat’.

Btw. The sheep on the left is PTS.

Did you spot the whale? I had to add at least one. You would expect that they occupy 3 or 4 dynamics simultaneously. Their value is much higher as the value of classical members with their miraculously depleted bank accounts. Abilities and achievements are all measured in money units. In an event you are only allowed to sit in the front after donating more than any other person. It does not matter if you have audited for 10,000 hours, sold 5,000 books or disseminated to 500 new sheeple, who did actually show up.

However, when the time has come, even big whales are kicked out overnight (disposed quietly without sorrow) no matter how much they have contributed.

What would DM do without the whales? Maybe some less ebony in his designer loo?

Staff are quite stressing for David Miscavige. They are more likely to be exposed to entheta. Therefore their value is way lower than the one of Sea Org members. You need 10 people on staff for one Sea Org member, who hardly sleep and don’t ask so many question.
Try to spot some employees on my picture. It is the absence that counts. You could argue that they are represented by the black sheep on the left, which is PTS.

 

Sixth dynamic

MEST – these are basically buildings. They are like mushrooms popping out of the soil. Most of them are imaginary, because reopening a building isn’t really the same as opening a building. But for DM this is justifiable. These are monuments of his power. They prove the growth and mighty OT abilities that are inherent in his holy beingness. He doesn’t even need auditing or sec-checks.

And now find Mother Earth. She is freaking big, isn’t she? Somewhere in the corner of this picture to properly express her importance. Her shape is a little bit eggy. This is how DM perceives the planet he is standing on. As the pope of the fastest growing religion worldwide he is the only one to understand the symbiosis between Mother Earth and Scientology. There is this one important reason why we have to save our world – we must save his buildings. Who cares about mankind and thetans? Buildings are the highest imaginable urge towards survival.

 

Seventh dynamic

OT IX and OT X. Well, Miscavige knows that they do not exist. This is more or less a mandatory dynamic. Without seeking for survival on this dynamic his sheeple would run away. Therefore, even though this dynamic does not exist, its illusion must exist. Understood?
The seventh dynamic is the survival as a spiritual being. And what could be better than placing OT IX and OT X here?

There are two ghosts on the picture. Each one represents a non-existing OT level. Guess what! The cat will never be let out of the bag.

 

Eighth dynamic

The God dynamic. This one has only been defined rudimentary by the founder. So there is no issue with slowly undefining it. LRH’s words become less and less important. DM knows how to alter everything and everyone … especially everyone. You will never be the same again! The missing LRH astral body on the picture has been edited audited away.

 

Ninth dynamic

Aesthetics!!! This is the exclamation mark dynamic! Every Scientologist uses it frequently and without any discipline!!!!!!!

 

Tenth dynamic

Ethics? This is a pure LOL dynamic for Miscavige. There is no such as Ethics in the life of a lunatic. What did you think? LOL stands for the highest urge towards survival of pleasure.

Scientology: You don’t like what we are asking for? “It is just your reactive mind!”

ReactiveMind

What a nice way to invalidate someone?

How often was I approached to hand over money? There was hardly a week where nobody wanted something from me. The Registrar once said: “Scientology is only for the able. Many come here to receive something, but they don’t realise that Scientology is about doing something.”

First of all, I did not join the cult to make the world a better place. I wanted to see how being an OT would change my life. As soon I would go exterior (having left the body), life would change drastically. So I was asking a lot of questions about “exterior” and was deeply disappointed by the many definitions and excuses.

The worst of all was an Ethics officer. She yelled at me claiming she was exterior at this very moment. She must have had her personal definition, because LRH never said you had to be low on the tonescale to go exterior. Anyway, coming back to “Scientology is about doing something”, it means that you are pushed around constantly. Not only did I have numerous harassing phone calls at work, but especially thinking about my Org was causing more and more discomfort. I was asked to do things that were outrageous by all means. Work for free, take holidays for a Nazi-like demonstration, be on time for the academy at the expense of my job, join Criminon or Narconon or whatever, pay ridiculous amounts of money to the IAS and for other project like the Volunteer Ministers.

I was definitely not getting what I was there for. In fact, I was not getting anything self-determined at all. The ruin – how they would call it – was to not fulfil my first postulate. I had joined for something else and not to save the world.

What was the most frequent answer to my critical thinking?

 

“This is just your reactive mind!”

 

“It is not you, because you as a spiritual being would agree right away”. I am sure that all cult members have heard this a few thousand times. When I felt uncomfortable, it was not because of it was out exchange or something else. It was my “reactive mind”. Luckily I never agreed. Furthermore, I was wondering what the others were thinking about this “it is not you”.

How often was I asked to deny my well placed feelings? Especially the IAS was very good at this. They told full blown stories about the discomfort/reactive mind and made fun of it. By denigrating/laughing about your reactive mind, you would get over it. WHAT A TRAP!

And you know the so called “money engram”. Yes, your pain is just a money engram! “Money is just a consideration” I was told. Why does Scientology want it then? It took some time and I got smarter as there was hardly any chance to stop a conversation peacefully. I said: “My money engram was found and audited at Flag. It is absolutely flat now”. This was not causing any cognitive dissonance. I am sure the other person was well aware of his/her lies. The only purpose was to get money – whatever it takes. If these people had been honest to themselves, meaning that they were convinced of their own words, then there should had been a cognitive dissonance (aka LFBD?) on my reply. Right at the end of the word according to Hubbard, hahaha.

When these people were not successful, then they sometimes tried to go up and down the tonescale. And they obviously thought that I was stupid enough to not realise this. At one point an IAS lady started yelling at me. Oh, I am still upset about this. She was shouting how out-ethics I was and that I was not able to take any responsibility for this world. In hindsight I am very proud to have resisted even then. I saved a shit load of money. I would definitely deal with the situation differently these days. I don’t like stuck flows. They ask for revenge – this is a burden. What I had not done was yelling back. I should have done it so loud and at another/unexpected time.

I am certain, you have heard of the so called “wins” after donating or joining staff. The truth is, that these people are just relieved, because the pressure is gone. I remember one guy, who said he went on staff, because he had always wanted it. WTF? He had a couple of thousand reasons to not join. People were manipulating him, using his buttons and constantly harassing him. This was no free decision. He might have thought that this was just his “reactive mind”. Fact is that his “wins” did absolutely not match what I had observed before. As I said, the only win was the relief from the pressure. And guess what! Such “win” does not last very long. They always came multiple times to ask for more.

Vampires have to obey their nature. It is not their free choice to bite you. Haha, maybe I should have chosen a more realistic example, but I cannot help myself. What fits that fits!