Poor children and my ex-wife

It is somehow sad seeing these flyers. In the cult of Scientology there are many people with good intentions doing bad things. Such flyers affect me a lot.
These children are innocent and happy. They cannot understand, what is happening to them. Their parents are the centre of truth. All they believe in and all they trust in is coming from their parents.

And someday these same children become money hungry beasts and will never realise that their blood/money is being sucked out of them in the same way they are sucking on the life energy of others. Victims become perpetrators.
Children with full potential to succeed in life are trapped before they even learn to perceive any trap. And it is their own parents ruining their Way To Happiness. Today, these children are cute and at the same time I know that tomorrow they will attack others.

Thinking a little bit into the future and I am so saddened.

I am here. I am still fighting. Others are still fighting. For many we come too late. Once innocent people commit moral crimes in the name of the good/cult, they have chosen the side and blocked their own way out. From now on the subconsciousness will prevent these people from thinking objectively. Justifications will automatically kick in.If you want mind slaves – THIS is how it is done! Make them do something really bad. It doesn’t have to be for the cult. It better be really bad for themselves.

Mike Rinder recently mentioned it and I mention it again. Scientology heats up its members like frogs – very slowly. Frogs don’t jump even when they can. And these innocent children sit in the water. You know they only have a very little chance. And this chance is not coming from their parents.

Sad, isn’t it?

I watched some old family videos and pictures today. I and my ex-wife had good times as well and I still don’t understand, how you can brainwash anybody to a point, where victims destroy their family, the lives of others and also their own lives. How can a healthy brain malfunction that much?

But I do understand that people, who have committed crimes in the name of the good, are not able to leave easily. This would make them more wrong than anything else. Sinking with the ship is obviously a better choice. This is the final step in becoming a fanatic.

Why is this scenario hardly discussed? No Tony Ortega, no John Sweeny or Bryan Seymour have reported about this last step.
Here we have the hardcore Scientologists. These are the ones, who never leave and you will not hear from them unless they suffered directly under David Miscavige

Please come forward! We need your voice! Did you commit treason against your family? Did you disconnect and destroy your children’s welfare and childhood? Did you finally leave Scientology and don’t dare to contact your family? Too big overt?
You most likely will not come clean with your family. Treason is a big fat moral crime. But you might come clean with yourself by speaking out. And maybe someone will forgive you someday.

This is exactly what I am struggling with. How could I ever forgive my ex-wife? She attacked me, tried to take my children away, emptied my pockets, ruined my job and the worst of all: “At no point did she inform herself honestly.”
On the other side I am inclined to forgive. She has been one of these children I am talking about.

I still haven’t answered that question to myself. Will I ever get to that point?




How to play Bullshit Bingo against Scientologists

Protesting against Scientologists can be quite exhausting. You could talk to a vacuum cleaner and achieve better results. Don’t even try using any logic. Scientologists are programmed to ignore anything negative. Their ability to listen was lost during expensive courses and counseling.

I have something much better for you. Make your protests exiting with a few printouts. This is going to cause hilarious fun on both sides.

The game is called Bullshit Bingo.
There are two grids. One is for the cultist, one is for you. Please print out both. It is no secret that cultists won’t bring their own grids. You will also need at least two pens.

You may now start a discussion. Each time the person on the other side mentions a word from your list, you can it cross out.

Once you have 5 items in a row, column or diagonal, you must look at the face of the other person, step much closer and yell as loud as you can:


The maximum allowable distance is 10 inch. If you fail doing so within a few seconds, the other person wins.
You may watch the famous Scientology documentary before you leave your home, where John Sweeney demonstrated how proper yelling is done.

Play as long as it takes to get 5 valid items. Sometimes it takes hours, sometimes merely a few minutes.

Wins from playing Bullshit Bingo:

“I could hardly believe how much fun you can have with such an easy setup. It took us about 10 ten minutes; I finally won. This were the most exiting minutes of my life!”
C.N., New York

“If I had known the game before, I would have been about 10x more often on the streets.”
B.S., London

“Wow, wow, wow. I love you. Thank you very much for the unbelievable cool game. What a pleasure!”
M.R., Tampa

“Where can I find more words for new grids? I’d love to play this game on a daily basis now!”
T.J., New Delhi

“The Scientologist got really upset after she had inevitably lost the game. She argued I had not given her any time to drill the game. Her course supervisor coincidently saw us and immediately issued a pink sheet to train more bullbaiting. “Your f#*$&!g TRs are unacceptable”, he said. Within minutes the course supervisor called the registrar and made an appointment while we continued playing the game.
The lady Scientologist said she wanted to play again and we agreed to meet in two weeks at the same location. The course supervisor also wants to come. He will bring someone from OSA as well, he said. This will be the greatest game ever. 4 players in total. AWESOME!”
G.G., East Grinstead

Grid for the Scientologist (to be used against the Protester):


Grid for the Protester (to be used against the Scientologist):


Cult of Scientology: Why I didn’t leave right away



Even as a child I used to say that the likelihood to believe in the right religion – aka the truth – was minuscule and definitely less than one in a thousand. There are simply too many religions and all believe in different gods or objects. Some say that most religions have a common denominator, but to me it always sounds like an excuse to not confront the low probability. Can you imagine that 99% or more of all religious people life a big fat lie? All you do, all you believe in, your so called stable datum … all just a wrong item. Besides proclaimed spirituality, there is not much left to compare. What does a god with an elephant head (Ganesh) and Satan share?

I have always been the scientific guy, who never liked religious leaders. I believe that it takes a lot of scientific people to achieve something, not just one messiah. From the very beginning I was feeling weird when applauding to Hubbard’s picture or bust. I didn’t want to stand out or annoy anyone. But later on I simply stopped doing so. It caused this feeling of discomfort no matter if I did it or not. There was no point in lying and playing the overwhelmed disciple.

When I joined Scientology I knew about its bad reputation. I was one of the rare guys walking into an Org without any body router. I bought the Dianetics book and left right away.

I thought that some courses would be interesting; just to see if there was something to get out of it. Even at school I had voluntarily attended religious education despite not being convinced at all. Yes, as mentioned in one of my first posts, I am open minded. This is called PTS (Potential Trouble Source) in Scientology.  I was always wondering what was so bad about informing yourself honestly and looking from all sides and angles. In the end my openness was what drove me into Scientology. I did one course, another one and then one more – 12 courses in the first year. I thought it would be cool to be an OT and to be able to go exterior at will and with full perceptions. That was my main purpose. But frankly, I was wondering why there were hardly any publics. I mean, if people go exterior, why would they not disseminate like mad? This is the missing piece that would convince everybody, right? My inner explanation was that it had to do with Scientology’s bad reputation.

Within weeks I had paid in my entire academy to Clear. I started on the Purif. The registrar explained they had their own doctor. There was this weird feeling again. Something was wrong. I accepted the doctor, who was a member of that Org and visited his private home on a weekend. He took his stethoscope and performed some basic health tests. He did not write any bill and only accepted cash.

My first real auditing started with a Security Check. In a nutshell – it made me feel really bad. I personally do not appreciate at all when people don’t trust me. Quite to the contrary, I have never disappointed someone who was trusting me. It is a good feeling to be trusted and to not disappoint someone.

In the first weeks I talked to many people. I remember one story with a roughly 45 year old man. I asked him how long he had been in Scientology. He told me that it was about 10 years. And my next question was: “Oh, you must be OT VIII then”. His reply was: “No, I am on Clear”. I was very disappointed. And this was not the only time. One Auditor had a OT V certificate hanging behind him. But at some point he mentioned that it was not his. A world was falling into pieces. 20 years in Scientology, and just on Clear. What was wrong?

Another man was also just on Clear and he was so extremely shy, any tree had a better communication level. He got yelled at in the academy: “You don’t have a case here. Say it.” And when he finally said something and everybody was watching him, the course supervisor mentioned in a condescending voice: “See, it works!”

The ESTO constantly had some kind of eczema in his face. I have no clue what x-itis it was, but it has always been an outpoint for me. All in all these were all people like you and I. Nothing special. As PTS as anyone else.

The registrar used to smoke when I was in her room – another outpoint. And she used to harass me at work calling right in the middle of the day and asking for money. Oh, I was so pissed. Once, I told her that I did not want to play the fu..ing birthday game and that it was no game, because it was forced upon me. Guess what, I got an Ethics chit from her and it was the last time I spoke to her voluntarily.

And let me now come to my biggest wake-up, which was slumbering inside me ever since. I was on the Freewinds and doing the Route To Infinity course. On one of the tapes Ron said that as a child he was able to remotely read books from another room, but somehow lost his abilities during the years. For me it was a lie and I continued comparing this lie with each and every course I did afterwards.

You can easily imagine that open minded people cause a lot of trouble in such environment. It didn’t take a year and I was forced to do the full KSW course. I tell you what. Each time I was forced to do something, it kicked me out a little bit more.


But why didn’t I leave?

 I got married and had my first child. My wife started to constantly ask for money. Her first request was birth auditing (I had paid for all courses up to Class V already, co-audit was a no-go). Several Org staff came to our house and harassed me. They told me what a bad and suppressive person I was. I said that there had been a few billion people on this Earth up to this day and that they all did not need birth auditing.

A few incidents were definitely not enough to blame my ex-wife for anything. In the following years she kept on asking for auditing for her and my children. We had many disputes. My main point always was the same: “My children are not insane. They can grow up without all this, like any other child. And if we don’t save any money, we will have to live on the streets someday.”

My ex-wife was the puppet for the Org. She didn’t work at all. Au pairs did the house hold while she was on course. Besides being the mother of my children she became useless for the family. I even had to iron my own shirts. How lovely are chores when you come home after spending 10 hours in the office. And in the evenings she said that she had been soooo busy all day long. I looked at her books with more than 800 pages each and started complaining quite often.

But who would abandon one’s family easily? As far as I know women, they are the first ones to mention the word “divorce” constantly. Men have much more to lose. They keep quiet, even when being degraded to a cash cow. This is my personal life experience backed by many stories. It can obviously be different for others. Most divorces are filed by women in the UK, because the law is strongly biased. I have read that it is as high as 90% in some areas. Men lose the regular contact to their children, the house and have to finance a freeloader life. Who does not get upset by this? I strongly disagree with the British divorce laws.

Divorce has always been a taboo for me. Not just because of the law. I believe that all children have the right to grow up in a family. Parents have to behave in their presence and should only fight when the kids are not nearby.

I would never ever abandon my children, no way! My wife was aware of this and threatened me more and more with divorce should I not pay her expensive courses and auditing. I was such an SP. I had the money, but I was not willing to give it to her. The Org saw it the same way. They didn’t care that she was no real mother. For them she was a source of income and that meant she was upstat – no need for ethics handlings. But guess what! The chaplain was visiting ME quite often to “put ethics in”.

By this time I had given up my personal goals to go exterior. I had paid in my bridge three times and each time it was torn into pieces by arbitraries – red tags, PTS and rudiments. These days I understand that it is hardly possible to pass rudiments. I think 80% of my folder was about rudiments by that time. Nobody can have Miscavige’s three swing F/N. And when you bypass F/Ns often enough, then you get scared to not F/N, which is making you non-F/N at all. This is such a vicious circle.

Just adding up my intensives at Flag, I should have been Clear twice. And my wife probably 4 to 5 times.

So, I was disillusioned and unsatisfied. Still, I did not leave. The costs were bearable, even when I included the IAS. My income was far above average, I could afford it.

I managed to make my wife pay for the child auditing. I was constantly invited by that child Auditior … as a suppressive being. Who did not want his children to be audited for huge sums – only SPs!

I was quietly leaving the cult and let my wife do all the stuff.

A big bonus at work then changed my point of view again (see, I am not using “viewpoint” anymore). There was plenty of money. I thought I could give it a last try. My so called hidden standard was “exterior”. That is a nice trap. You are not allowed to express any wish. This means, whatever you expect from Scientology is wrong. You only get what you do not wish secretly, otherwise it was a hidden standard and the “real why”, why you don’t get anything.

Scientology is built to blame you!
Their tech ALWAYS works!
So, you will never find out that it actually is them doing something wrong.

On one side I hoped that there was some truth in all the insanity. I had spoken to so many people who claimed to have been exterior with visio (being able to see something when leaving the body). I did not believe that all of them were lying to be “something special”. This is, how the cult works. People invent stories, because nobody wants to admit that he doesn’t get what others do get. But in fact nobody gets anything.
(There are many definitions for “exterior” in Scientology to confuse people – sometimes it means to be in a STATIC, sometimes it means to be in a kind of astral body, sometimes it simply means to not be effected by a problem.)

That the tech does not work and is just a subjective perception came clear to me the more I looked at false wins. You have to watch some “wins” from other cults and you will realise that this is the usual human behaviour. “I felt Jesus!”, “An angel showed up.”, “I was dead.”, “This was no coincidence, this was god.”, “I had an orgasm while listening to the Reverend.”


Hope was one factor for staying. The other factor was my family. And all the time I did have this cognitive dissonance. I did not disregard it. I did hide it. I never told these thoughts to any Auditor. This type of wins are forbidden. You are in trouble when having the cognition: “I just found out that Scientology is a scam in some areas”.

I hope you understand my reasons, why I did not leave earlier. My advice to you is:

Don’t wait that long! It is just a matter of time.


The right arguments in front of any lawyer and you always win.
The fair game doctrine and KSW1 are in your favour.

Yes, you will get attacked heavily. But you will save your children’s lifes in return.

Scientology, I cannot get over it



Several year after leaving Scientology, I am still suffering from its effects. The most important part of my life was and is to give my children the best childhood. But now I am in a situation that cannot be fixed anymore. The damage is done. Day after day painful thoughts come back and capture my attention. It hurts to have seen all this.
My wife was willing to destroy everything and everyone. She even included herself.

What for?
To be on courses, to do Scientology, to gain powers that do not exist.
How to have a successful family? Why do a course for something that is right in front of you? Now, there is nothing left and she would really need such course.

She destroyed her and other lives thoroughly. In her view everybody was suppressive. Her parents, my parents, her relatives, my relatives, the government, the psychs, her BFF … just her cousin that she hated, she suddenly became her best friend.

After the divorce she quickly ran out of time and money. That means she cannot even do Scientology anymore – but the WAR was all about Scientology, wasn’t it?
Looking at the present situation would make her past actions terribly wrong. Still, she considers herself being a dedicated Scientologist. She is grasping at straws like many other Scientologists.

Forgiving her is tough. The destruction has been awful. My ex-wife is far away from awakening. With her “Fair Game” activities she crossed the threshold to hell.
This is an important part of cults. They make you do something really bad. The victim digs himself/herself a hole, too deep to leave. What a good strategy. You choose the sides and any confession would immediately kill you. Well, it is a metaphor, but this is pretty much how it works.

I guess Scientology added a positive entry into her ethics folder. They will suddenly see the entry differently as soon as she dares (if she ever does) to question the organisation.

How can anybody forgive anyone, who has not even come close to taking responsibility. And how can any cult member ever get there? You are blinded! Sweet lies are much easier to confront.

Will my wife ever be able to see again? And how should I react when she wakes up too late? I mean, it is quite easy to admit something after it has become obvious. Let’s say the cult is closing down. What is the value of penitence at that late stage?
When a robber runs away with all the cash, then there is some value of returning the money before he has been caught. But what is the value of returning the money after he has been caught and forced to give up?

This question is driving me nuts. I want to fix the family as much as I can. At the same time I know that I would have to accept further punches below the belt to do so. Is that greatness or that pure stupidity?

I have to fight against the devil, at the same time I cannot fight against the devil as I would destroy the ones I love most – my children. I finally understand Friedrich Schiller inside out. The hero has to suffer. His duties are more important. He decides against his desires.

But what are my duties? This question remains open. How can I fight the evil and not destroy myself at the same time?
I am the one who never needed any help or advice. I have always been ahead of others. My past success stories were outstanding. Then I came across my wife, who would not dare to “inform herself honestly” and rather destroy the family.

This time I have no clue. This was not part of any calculation. This was not forseeable. This was pure insanity. Treason! I was stabbed into my back.
Now, I do need help to go through all this. But I cannot imagine anyone being able to rewind the time. And even if anybody could rewind the time … I guess I would do a lot pretty much the same way again. Hence, it seems to be my fortune.

Schiller, I finally understand.

Scientology, a comparison: Megalomania vs. Organic Growth

Admittedly, you can hardly compare the following cities with the megalomania of Scientology leader David Miscavige.
This is not Detroit 20 years after the heydays. These cities are supposed to be “ideal”, which are about to start growing. To some degree there is similarity with Scientology. I cannot phrase it in words, because it is far-fetched. Still, it makes me think.

I would love to live in one of these Chinese cities. They are attractive. It is just the circumstances that make moving there impossible.

  • I don’t speak Chinese
  • my family is not nearby
  • the political environment does not guarantee freedom of speech

But see: This is the Eiffel Tower … IN CHINA!!!


I see potential for China’s ghost cities. They have the political power to get these projects done. But Miscavige hasn’t got this power. As I said … somehow similar and far-fetched at the same time.


“This place is like a child – it’s in a development phase,” Wang says. “But it’s chasing an ideal. It’s the kind of place where people can come to pursue their dreams.”

  • By the time the city is complete – probably by 2020 – it should accommodate 350,000 people over 30 square kilometres. Five years into the project, however, only about three sq km have been completed, housing 6,000 permanent residents.
  • Last month, China announced its new urbanisation plan, a massive feat of technical and social engineering which will move more than 100 million country-dwellers into cities over the next six years. The question is how. China’s current development model has proved environmentally disastrous; ghost cities and towns have triggered fears of an impending real-estate meltdown.
  • “It’s already proving to be successful, because it’s still building.”
  • Yet while the developer claims that more than 1,000 companies have registered in the city, many storefronts on its main shopping plaza stand empty; two frozen escalators lead to a mostly-vacant upper floor. In the middle of the afternoon its few occupants – a noodle joint, a coffee shop, a Japanese restaurant advertising “suisi”– are padlocked. Although the city’s first food market opened last November, it’s still limited to a few well-stocked produce stalls. The massive space echoes like a gymnasium.


  • There’s already a near deserted replica of Paris complete with its own Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysees, while even levelling a range of 700 mountains can’t stand in the way of another vast new conurbation. With China’s population and prosperity growing at a rapid rate, Adrian also asks an expert if it’s all good urban forward planning or an economic bubble that’s about to burst.
  • Ordos is one of the most famous ghost cities. Closer inspection shows its massive scale, but the lack of cars on the streets.



  • But perhaps there is method in this construction madness. China says it needs to move more than 400 million people from the countryside into the cities in the next 10 years. No country in the world is witnessing urbanisation of this size. It’s a social experiment on a grand scale.
  • 700 mountains levelled
    More than 700km to the south, the welcome could not have been more different. The officials behind Lanzhou New Area, a new city being carved out of the mountains of Gansu Province, seemed overjoyed to receive us.


  • Two years after visiting some of China’s most infamous ghost cities and malls, Australian reporter Adrian Brown revisited them for SBS Dateline, to see if they had changed. His tour of Tianducheng, the Paris replica that we reported on; the South China Mall; and Kangbashi in Ordos, China’s most famous ghost city, showed that they were still empty.
  • Tom Miller, a Chinese urbanization expert told Brown, it’s as though Chinese officials “basically draw a circle on a map and they build it, and then they expect people to go and move in.” The “gamble” is that cities might be empty now, but they will be filled up later, an argument Stephen Roach has previously made.



Back to Scientology:

Americas Book of Secrets – S02E06 – Deadly Cults (28:18)

And fueling their growth is “money”. Money, that allows their leaders to buy property, often with the intention of isolating their group from society. If a group is living together on a piece of land – which we know – then tend to call a compound, it’s easier for the cult leader and and his or her lieutenants to control everybody.

Scientology urgently needs your money


This is a re-enactment!

IAS:	I know you can do more. What about $300,000? Your house is worth $400,000 and you only have a mortgage of $100,000.
        We need to save the world. You want to save the world, don't you? Do you want to help us?
PUBLIC:	But this affects my 1st, 2nd, 6th and 8th dynamic. It took me 30 years to save that money. How can go up the bridge then?
IAS:	The 3rd dynamic is worth more, because WE are active on all 8 dynamics. And no worries, we make you able.
        You will earn three times as much as you donate. Read this reference here: "Exchange by dynamics".
        And then read that reference as well. Money is only an attention unit. It is not real. Who needs money?
IAS:	Are you trying to make fun of me?
PUBLIC:	Listen, I am sure that the church owns more than 2 billion USD in total.
IAS:	Haha, if that was true, why would I ask you for money then? How do you know?
PUBLIC:	Because I read it on the internet and made my own assumptions afterwards.
IAS:	You are out-ethics!
IAS:	Because you are on SP lines. You not only read entheta lines, you also believe these made up lies.
PUBLIC:	Why? Am I not allowed to know these numbers?
IAS:	Such numbers are not true - easy as that! And if you should care about any numbers, we would give them to you.
	Don't you trust our management? Are you critical?
PUBLIC:	I think the church does not want me to know these numbers. It has withholds.
IAS:	The church is not withholding anything!
PUBLIC:	So? Do you know the numbers?
IAS:	I knew you are critical! What is your evil purpose? What are your overts?
PUBLIC:	Hey, all I am asking here is: "Why do you need my money and destroy my family? The church has plenty of money."
PUBLIC:	Don't yell at me! Just answer my question.
IAS:	I have shown you plenty of LRH references already. You are simply out-ethics, because you have misunderstandings!
PUBLIC:	Ok, I'll leave now. I have an appointment with the course supervisors in 5 minutes.

The day after: Meeting with an Ethics Officer (EO).

EO:	You know why you are here?
PUBLIC:	I have a bad feeling.
EO:	Read that KR.
PUBLIC:	This is injustice! He did not even read what I have read. How can he know that this is wrong?
EO:	Do you have anything to add?
PUBLIC:	Ron said that all dynamics are equally important.
EO:	This does not apply here. I prepared a program for you. Read the policies and do your write up.
PUBLIC:	Hey, according to Ron, ethics has to do with what a person decides for himself. This has nothing to do with ethics!
        You are not supposed to give me a program. We should work one out. Let me show you the policies.
EO:	This does not apply here.
PUBLIC:	So, why does it not apply here?
EO:	Do the program and then come back. The Case Supervisor proposed some additional security checks afterwards.
PUBLIC:	And if I don't do it?
EO:	You cannot do any course or auditing anymore while you are in ethics. What do you expect next?
PUBLIC:	A declare?
EO:	Well, you could go to the IAS and change your behaviour immediately.
	We both would save a lot of time then.
PUBLIC:	You are saying that I have to pay the money to get my ass out of ethics and not be disconnected from my family?
EO:	These are your words, not mine. In Scientology you always have a free choice! It is your choice, not ours.
PUBLIC:	But then I would do exactly what I am criticising. What about verifying the tax numbers. Then we know the truth.
EO:	It is not your f.....g rank to know these numbers. We are here to save the world and not to waste our
	time with critical questions making our management wrong. Look at our expansion, look how upstat the management is!
	Can't you perceive the obvious?
PUBLIC:	Hmmm, what can I say? Give me 5 minutes to think about it.
EO:	Your choice, Mr. Critical. It is always your personal choice. Everything here is YOUR PERSONAL CHOICE.