What a nice way to invalidate someone?
How often was I approached to hand over money? There was hardly a week where nobody wanted something from me. The Registrar once said: “Scientology is only for the able. Many come here to receive something, but they don’t realise that Scientology is about doing something.”
First of all, I did not join the cult to make the world a better place. I wanted to see how being an OT would change my life. As soon I would go exterior (having left the body), life would change drastically. So I was asking a lot of questions about “exterior” and was deeply disappointed by the many definitions and excuses.
The worst of all was an Ethics officer. She yelled at me claiming she was exterior at this very moment. She must have had her personal definition, because LRH never said you had to be low on the tonescale to go exterior. Anyway, coming back to “Scientology is about doing something”, it means that you are pushed around constantly. Not only did I have numerous harassing phone calls at work, but especially thinking about my Org was causing more and more discomfort. I was asked to do things that were outrageous by all means. Work for free, take holidays for a Nazi-like demonstration, be on time for the academy at the expense of my job, join Criminon or Narconon or whatever, pay ridiculous amounts of money to the IAS and for other project like the Volunteer Ministers.
I was definitely not getting what I was there for. In fact, I was not getting anything self-determined at all. The ruin – how they would call it – was to not fulfil my first postulate. I had joined for something else and not to save the world.
What was the most frequent answer to my critical thinking?
“This is just your reactive mind!”
“It is not you, because you as a spiritual being would agree right away”. I am sure that all cult members have heard this a few thousand times. When I felt uncomfortable, it was not because of it was out exchange or something else. It was my “reactive mind”. Luckily I never agreed. Furthermore, I was wondering what the others were thinking about this “it is not you”.
How often was I asked to deny my well placed feelings? Especially the IAS was very good at this. They told full blown stories about the discomfort/reactive mind and made fun of it. By denigrating/laughing about your reactive mind, you would get over it. WHAT A TRAP!
And you know the so called “money engram”. Yes, your pain is just a money engram! “Money is just a consideration” I was told. Why does Scientology want it then? It took some time and I got smarter as there was hardly any chance to stop a conversation peacefully. I said: “My money engram was found and audited at Flag. It is absolutely flat now”. This was not causing any cognitive dissonance. I am sure the other person was well aware of his/her lies. The only purpose was to get money – whatever it takes. If these people had been honest to themselves, meaning that they were convinced of their own words, then there should had been a cognitive dissonance (aka LFBD?) on my reply. Right at the end of the word according to Hubbard, hahaha.
When these people were not successful, then they sometimes tried to go up and down the tonescale. And they obviously thought that I was stupid enough to not realise this. At one point an IAS lady started yelling at me. Oh, I am still upset about this. She was shouting how out-ethics I was and that I was not able to take any responsibility for this world. In hindsight I am very proud to have resisted even then. I saved a shit load of money. I would definitely deal with the situation differently these days. I don’t like stuck flows. They ask for revenge – this is a burden. What I had not done was yelling back. I should have done it so loud and at another/unexpected time.
I am certain, you have heard of the so called “wins” after donating or joining staff. The truth is, that these people are just relieved, because the pressure is gone. I remember one guy, who said he went on staff, because he had always wanted it. WTF? He had a couple of thousand reasons to not join. People were manipulating him, using his buttons and constantly harassing him. This was no free decision. He might have thought that this was just his “reactive mind”. Fact is that his “wins” did absolutely not match what I had observed before. As I said, the only win was the relief from the pressure. And guess what! Such “win” does not last very long. They always came multiple times to ask for more.
Vampires have to obey their nature. It is not their free choice to bite you. Haha, maybe I should have chosen a more realistic example, but I cannot help myself. What fits that fits!