One story in a million. I thought I should partially share it with my readers although every little piece of it still hurts emotionally. It was the worst tragedy of my life and I am still suffering from depression regularly. I wake up during the nights and my deepest wish then is that my ex-wife opens her eyes before it is too late. Regarding her it is neither love nor hate, I fight for my children’s welfare. Writing posts on this blog helps me forgetting my depression. I feel better each time after writing down some of my thoughts. This blog will not end before the evil side of the cult disappears – this is my oath to the world!
For sure I cannot go into details here, it is important that my identity remains incognito. One of my social network accounts has been hacked right on the same day when I wrote my first post. Was it the cult? I do not know yet. I kept the IP address and PC details. Let me see what I can do with this. California, oh yeah – I also know the exact town.
OSA is a criminal organisation, therefore I am going to change a few circumstances in my story. You get a good idea on what has happened. This should be enough at this stage.
I have never been really religious, Mathematics and Physics are my favourite topics. What attracted me to Scientology was its scientific approach. It was still a new, contemporary religion that had not much to do with superstition. Very mundane – this is what I thought at that time.
25 years ago I heard about Scientology. 15 years ago I wanted to know more. I was one of the few guys walking into an Org myself. I completed 14 courses within the first year, was on the Freewinds and in Flag and had paid for my full bridge up to OT III.
That was too fast to get into trouble. The money was flowing and I was still considered a beginner. So I had mostly seen the ethics departments from outside only. It could have stayed like this forever and Scientology would still be the coolest religion on Earth.
But someone had to come up with a PTS story. It was a disaster. I protested at the very beginning and a lot of money later I was still protesting. My auditor ran several correction lists and finally he accepted that my PTSness was wrong. I must have had a FN for a while. But then I asked the registrar for a refund as I had always said it was wrong. Guess what, I got some hours back, but 95% of the amount I had to pay myself. The PC is the problem. It is his fault to sit there and be a problem. Do you know this reference?
From now on I was scared at all times that someone could come up with any PTS story again. In fact the auditing had been an implant of fear.
Fear? Fear is the tone level on which the “tech” is built on. This is worth a separate blog post for itself. So I am not going to explain it here. Fear is THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR for becoming a dedicated member of the cult. Unfortunately no Kool-Aid drinker can understand or discover this without knowing Hubbard’s real biography.
At an event I met my wife. Within a year we made long-term plans and married. The financial pressure from the cult then took off like mad. People were coming to my house and asked for money constantly. Scientology began to be a pain in the ass. You could not trust anybody. They were friendly, but only to ask for donations, birth auditing, books, IAS, renovations and whatever you could think of. The reasons were a never-ending story. I did not have a lot of money left and also learned not to lend out any money to any Scientologist or do any business with any Scientologist. You cannot trust the self-appointed “most ethical beings on Earth” – that is for sure! I roughly lost 250.000 GBP just by trusting the “ethics” of people who did the Ls. I complained and I had to learn the next bitter lesson. Whatever happens to me, it is my fault. Others were allowed to trick me and tell me lies. It was absolutely ok for the cult to do so. If you are being tricked, it is your fault, because you agreed to it!
Our family moved to another place to go up the bridge without any interruption. I had the feeling that there was no way to make it step by step. People were constantly working on altering my original intentions. So we settled down and I paid in more intensives than anyone can think of. It was enough to go from zero to Clear within months. (This was my third bridge. The other two were gone already.) I thought that would make any interference from anyone impossible. But – as greedy as they are – the IAS was after me immediately. I told them that I would first do a grade and then pay a bit, then do a grade then pay a bit, then do a grade …. I definitely did not believe in out-exchange and made it clear. But the IAS conspired with my wife. She opened the house door at midnight and let these bastards in on a regular basis. They gave a shit on the fact that I had to get up early the next days. I think these fuckers did it on purpose to put pressure on me. They came in pairs or in a threesome, but never alone. What could I do? My wife was playing against me. For the sake of my children divorce was not on any agenda. One early morning I gave up. I paid for my Patron and was highly pissed from now on. At least – I thought – my upstatness would give me some ethics protection.
Hahaha, what an idiot I was. Someone came up with a PTS story right after my big donation. He yelled at me while I was holding the cans. I failed to break his nose, I still regret that I did not even throw the cans at him. (I will punch him should I see him again, I promise!) And it turned out to be even worse. The next day he told me, he wanted to help me. I stayed polite in order to not get into trouble. We went to a room and I realised I had so-called ethics issues for denying that I was PTS. A few days after I started suffering from depression because of that. Whenever I even thought about Scientology it mad me feel depressed. But I could not mention that any action of the cult was suppressive for me. I could also have given up my paid money right away. It would have had the same effect. I regretted paying in that much in one shot.
One day the ethics officer printed out a list of what my next program would be. By then I have had a few already. I told her that according to LRH’s technology it was wrong to not work out a program together, she had just assigned it. These were more or less justice actions rather an ethics actions. I did not read the new list, stood up and left the room.
Several people tried to fix my situation, but nobody wanted to hear that there was no PTSness. I was conservative with Scientology and did not believe everything that was written down. Even according to LRH himself that was ok. I did not take propaganda for granted, asked for evidence of electroshocks these days, and questioned the membership of the Hubbard family. Sure, I was rollercoasting now, but that was due to the “ethics” actions. And it was their paranoid behaviour against me that made me a trouble source. Everything was fine, why did they have to come up with this nonsense?
My wife first listened to my story. But the pressure on her grew as she was not allowed to do any auditing anymore. She slowly changed the side, only god knows why. I guess it was a third-party game by ethics officers. I got curious on what was going on and why I always got in trouble for surfing on the internet. Feeling independent from the cult, I started my research. I found out that a lot of technology was altered. As I am generally hard to convince I had to check the allegations with my own eyes. So I bought old books and compared them with the present ones. Some alterations were on the PDCs. I was convinced that it was an easy task to persuade my wife. One day – well prepared – I showed an alteration to my wife. I had a good feeling, but not even in my worst nightmares I would have come up with this:
My wife put her hands in front of her ears and said she did not want to know anything. Weeks after she accused me regularly of being a liar. I told her that I bought all the books and it was a simple task to inform herself honestly. But she never dared to even look at the covers or touch the devilish books, which were written by Hubbard himself! Someone had frightened her. Here we are again: FEAR to control people.
HCOB 11 APRIL 1982
SEC CHECKING IMPLANTS
IMPOSED SILENCE: The simplest and most common implant—and its lightest but not least-deadly form—is the command to withhold. Implants could be said to be “methods of preventing knowledge or communication” and this can extend to the point of the person himself denying himself the data. The commonest “imposed silence” is probably the threatened child—an “if you tell, you will be punished.” Or simply ordering him not to tell. This tends to occlude his own memory and can be classified as an implant.
Some people from the cult visited me and tried to convince me that I was wrong. NONE of them ever dared to look into the books!!!
Just to add this here: I started studying LRH’s biography and now understand why policies are written the way they are. I am no longer a Scientologist. I am not a member of Anonymous or any freezone activity.
My wife now disconnected from me openly. When I was downstairs, she was upstairs. When I was upstairs, she was downstairs. She even slept in a different room. Yelling became her lingua franca. Did she try to bring me up from 1.1 to 1.5? There was no day where she did not say I had to leave. She did not care about the children. Her behaviour was ok for her, the cult obviously was also fine with her behaviour. I thought it would be over soon and moved out to bring back peace to the children. But this was a big mistake. One day she blocked the access to the house and the children. When I rang the door bell the police showed up. She had prepared this very well. The police accused me of being insane wanting to see my children. WTF?
There must have been some sort of report that I still do not know in detail. For many months I was barred from seeing my children and was threatened with harassment charges as she was constantly calling the police. She claimed I was insane. I would try to kill my children she said. And I was “emotionally unstable”. Evidence was given by another Scientologist, well set up! The judge luckily saw the story differently. He has had many similar cases in the past. I also had received secret phone calls and emails from my children. I presented them to the judge. My children were scared by her mum. Can you imagine what horror this is for chidren? They could not escape, the communication was cut down, they were not allowed to leave the house and police was showing up as soon as I did. The police treated me like a criminal. They said I had to go to court, but until then they would stop me from coming close to my wife or children. I could not even enter my own house! It was bought under my name.
Now the court case is over and once again a lot of money went straight into the trashcan.
But the upside is that I can see my children each week – my wife cannot do anything against it anymore.
So, what was the final (ethical) EP of the cult?
Our savings are depleted, our family is sundered, my wife is entirely brainwashed and incapable of doing her ethics formula: Inform oneself honestly.
My children are now having a terrible childhood. They are constantly confronted with emotional pain and recently called their own mother a “monster”.
My ex-wife started yelling at them regularly. And what for?
Her FUCKING 3rd dynamic that does not allow my children to flourish and prosper … in exchange for sitting in a course room. Yes, no more than a course room.
What sane person would destroy his/her children’s lives for nothing more than a course room
The court made sure my children are not allowed to be involved in ANY Scientology activity. At least we got that far. Sad is that I created that “monster”. I paid all of her bridge and education. She had no money before we married. Now she ran away with full pockets – very rich. But she will not stay rich very long – the cult is after her!